I've spent the last 48 hours speaking to a variety of people. Family. Old friends. New friends. People who have known me all my life, some for years, some only for a few months. I've listened to many voices, all of which have been such huge source of comfort and wisdom to me. It's woken me up a bit. Like I've been shaken like a flimsy Victorian Doll and now I have some perspective back into my life. The 'tough love' as those annoying therapists call it, has forced me to face up to the reality of my situation. It's taken me to be emotionally stripped down and to be on my own in a strange country to realise what is important to me. Despite my current hardships, I am learning what is missing in my life and that this is bigger than the usual daily grind and the obstacles life throws at us. It's bigger than not having a job, or having someone to share my life with, or not having friends in a new country. It's not even about moving to a new place. It's about what makes me happy and to perhaps as the cliche goes, "Learn to love myself" and "find a new direction". It's a good thing that this is happening to me, despite the fact I feel as though I'm going through a human grinder. It will take time. It certainly won't happen over night but I need to keep faith and remain true to myself so I can "be that change".
A part of me winces hugely like a five year old taking some hideous cough medicine as I consider using these prosaic self-help lines to justify my life decisions, but there is no other way to describe it and I have to admit, there maybe a lot of common sense in them. I can see Paul Coehlo or Deepak Chopra now (see picture above), arms folded, smarmy smile directed right at me, jabbing his stubby looking finger at me, whilst saying "See I told you. And you dared to mock my book".
I don't mean to be grandiose or cringe worthy. I just want things to go in positive and different direction. And don't worry, I'm aware this blog needs more anecdotal entries again to ensure it's more entertaining rather than deep and analytical. I promise to update it with some fun entries as soon as possible!